Posts
i wasnt enough for you to want me...
We had some really wonderful times together. The memories of the things we did together are there, and I still have the photographs of our adventures, and so many cute, romantic moments. But I can’t remember what they felt like. It’s been mere months since the day you left, and I honestly cannot remember how it felt when we were happy. I remember that I had been in love, that I had been happy, but I can’t for the life of me remember how that actually felt. There are many things I do remember: The pain of being dismissed and heart broken. The helplessness I felt when I learned that you had not told me about the finalise. The numbness I felt as I was being gaslighted and worn down. The heart which has been pierce in my chest in reaction to your impassiveness each and every time I told you that you were hurting me. I remember how it felt to be on constant alert, ensuring that I was beautiful, bubbly, happy and sweet, and how I thought that if I could be more , if I could c...
Today marks the 100th day that finally my brother soul is in heaven! No one can understand what i have gone through, i still can remember freshly in my mind what happen in the DEM with just me and brother. the timing when i caught his last breathe and his ECG went flatline... all the crying of asking him to hold onto himself while waiting for cindy to come. the quiet conversation i had with him, the op i went thur with him, the days i cried when i learned about his cancer, all his little journey.... all the tears i hold back without letting my parents seen.... my little brother is gone... i hope you are in peace and happy whenever you are, 弟弟 . Come into our/ my dreams and tell me you are happy, please okie.
Last year this time, its my first message to you as i browse back! This year this time is a month of our broke up. 13 years ago, i was scumble to sadness for 5years, being taught to work hard, learn everything as i can, be independent, achieved and excel in my work. Just as i was learning to smile.... 13 years later, when i met you, i accept everything in you tho you were not my perfect one but to me you are perfect, you were my everything, i can give up travelling to have kids with you. i took things slow cos i want to treasure every little thing with you. i learn from my past, i learn to try to be more forgiving, be more understanding towards you & your kids, but why cant you just do the same towards. i told you i will support you no matter what happen, the road is uneven but we will get thur it, isnt it..... i felt like a failure now, i fell back into my sadness.
What does it mean to be happy?
We live in a time where many of us are obsess and worry about the future. We are elbowing and racing each other to see who can get there better and faster. Sometimes without even asking ourselves if "this is the pathway that i'm heading towards" Someone asked what is your definition of a healthy view of "happiness"? The achievement of certain milestones - a great career, a happy family, a large house - by the appropriate time. If we achieve these milestones, will we be happy? Or are we focused on appearing to be happy by others' definitions than actually being happy by our own. Everyone's definition of happiness differs. It is not to say that one definition of happiness is better another. What is more important is that we consider our options. Keep our eyes on your own journey and ask ourselves from time to time, what our definition of happiness is. Dig deeper than what our Facebook and Instagram feeds are te...