bElng mysElf

 

We had some really wonderful times together.  The memories of the things we did together are there, and I still have the photographs of our adventures, and so many cute, romantic moments. But I can’t remember what they felt like. It’s been mere months since the day you left, and I honestly cannot remember how it felt when we were happy. I remember that I had been in love, that I had been happy, but I can’t for the life of me remember how that actually felt. There are many things I do remember: The pain of being dismissed and heart broken. The helplessness I felt when I learned that you had not told me about the finalise. The numbness I felt as I was being gaslighted and worn down. The heart which has been pierce in my chest in reaction to your impassiveness each and every time I told you that you were hurting me. I remember how it felt to be on constant alert, ensuring that I was beautiful, bubbly, happy and sweet, and how I thought that if I could be  more , if I could communicate wit

  Today marks the 100th day that finally my brother soul is in heaven! No one can understand what i have gone through, i still can remember freshly in my mind what happen in the DEM with just me and brother. the timing when i caught his last breathe and his ECG went flatline... all the crying of asking him to hold onto himself while waiting for cindy to come. the quiet conversation i had with him, the op i went thur with him, the days i cried when i learned about his cancer, all his little journey.... all the tears i hold back without letting my parents seen.... my little brother is gone... i hope you are in peace and happy whenever you are,  弟弟 . Come into our/ my dreams and tell me you are happy, please okie.